It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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