and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
