I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
