I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
