dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
