Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
