You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
