Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
