I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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