Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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