he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
