so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
