i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
