You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
