One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
