Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is puke in my bra ... again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
