My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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