would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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