If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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