Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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