dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
