is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tell your sister to shave her snatch
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
