ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
