I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
