Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are all done wearing pants today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
