he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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