i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
