but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
