# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
