Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
