i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
