How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
