Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
