if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
