I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
