Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
