These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
