Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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