So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
