I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
