I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
