It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
