Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
