So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
