You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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