so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
