Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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