dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
