Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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