If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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