the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
