i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
