Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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