I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
