i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
